So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize