I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
