There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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