last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
