It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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