Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize