I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
