I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
