i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize