My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
