Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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