exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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