Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
