Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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