Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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