I wish I could teleport
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize