erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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