i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sex in the backyard? Check.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
