she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
