You just made me feel so damn special
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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