Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
