everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
