i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize