I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
