youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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