can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
