Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
