Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize