Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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