i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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