Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
