Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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