i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
