dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
where are my eyebrows?
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