how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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