we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize