I got chris browned last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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