Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
