You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
