You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
