Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
