At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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