I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
