How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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