well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
