if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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