Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
