So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
