Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize