Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She bit a glass in half.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
