What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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