Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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