The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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