The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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