Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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