he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
