sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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