I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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