the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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