I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
