The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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