Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
