you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
