So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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