I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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