life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
