So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
