If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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