no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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