My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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