I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
