Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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