you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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