Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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